That Nigerian Girl

Hello! It’s been a while, forgive me.   A lot has happened and I cannot wait to share it with you. So, for those who know me, you would and should know that I am a feminist. And just so we’re on the same page, Feminist: A person who supports the belief that women should have the same opportunities and rights as men. Any idea different from this is not what feminism is about. Okay. It’s been two months at home now because of the Corona Virus, I hope you’re social distancing, washing your hands and being cautious. (Really, I hope you are). In this lockdown, a lot of things have happened. I have gone through a lot of phases and observed a lot of things, and I am going to talk about one of those observations. My Cousin, her children and I live together during this period. If you follow me you must have seen them one way or another. Lol. What I observed put questions on stereotypes for me. Lmao. You know that crap about women being natural caregivers, more attentive, and all...

Hello, Welcome to the new year, welcome to 2020. Like all new years before this, you may or may not have a new year’s resolution. If you did have a resolution for the year 2019, did you achieve the things you set down to? If you did achieve them, congratulations!!!  If like me you didn’t achieve all that you set out to, please gather here for a group hug. If you didn’t achieve any goal at all...breathe. I do know that life happens, challenges occur, curve balls and down times are a thing. If you did experience any life changing setback in 2019, please share with us on how you were able to bounce back. 2019 was a significant year for me, moving away from a 9-5, trying new paths, and being flat out broke.To be very honest, my biggest support came from family. Understanding that I was at this difficult place, knowing that I was trying to find my place, not talking me down or placing a pressure to achieve. I was already under pressure from the goals t...

Did you see when she laughed? Did you see when he smirked? Did you hear their ring of laughter? Did you hear their muffled voices? Why do you believe then What you believe?  When you did not see, When you did not hear. You believe what you believe  Because you know O darling, you know That the trees and sky Bear witness.

Brethren, this is the story. I’m at home, watching Nat Geo Wild with family. The narrator alongside accompanying visuals, tell us of a Lion family. Two adult male lions, two adult female lions, one female teenage lion, five male teenage lions, and baby lions. Teenage lions (for the sake of this story) Tunde, Ayo, Femi, Tobi, Fola and Ibukun. Ibukun being the eldest. Teenage lions still have some months to remain with their family before they leave to forge their own path. One thing very essential for their journey of independence still ahead, is the ability to hunt and feed. One day, both adult male lions leave to patrol and protect their territory. Adult female lions also leave for the business of the day. Teenage boys decide to go hunting, to show that they are becoming of age. Elder sister shows them how it’s done. After stalking some antelopes (I think) with no success, a stampede of buffaloes make their way towards the teenage lions. They look for the weak li...

“The Joys of Motherhood” by Buchi Emecheta: A Feminist Review Nnu Ego the daughter of Ona and her lover Agbadi, is born with a mark on her head. The mark is on the same spot where the slave girl to be buried alive with Agbadi’s first wife suffered an injury. Refusing to go down without a fight, she promised Agbadi that she would come back to him as his own. Ona dies and leaves her daughter in Agbadi’s care, making him promise that he would allow her be a free woman, giving her away in marriage only if it was Nnu Ego’s choice. When Nnu Ego does not bear children for her husband, Agbadi receives her back home and returns the bride price paid. Soon after, she is taken to Lagos to meet another man. Nnu Ego is however disappointed with the appearance of her new husband Nnaife, but endures him with hope that he can give her children. Agbadi on his death bed calls for his daughter Nnu Ego, she returns to the village and shows Agbadi that his daughter had become a complete woman and ...

I am unlearning silence Learning how to say no To things that make me uncomfortable To the things that hurt me To the things that me question self-worth To the things that make me subservient I am unlearning grief Learning to let go Of the thoughts that draw me back Of the words that pierced my heart Of the laughter that mocked my spirit Of the promises that ridiculed my choice I am learning laughter Learning to hold on To the things that bring me joy To the things that flood my heart with light To the words that propel me forward To the people who bring me peace I am learning bravery Learning to say yes To the things that make me free To things passion brings my way To the path that lets my voice be heard To the one that lets my heart love To the one that leads my heart to love

I think it is indeed true that when one sits in a dirty environment for too long he or she becomes numb to the dire reality of his or her situation. I was on my way home from work. At a certain stop the taxi driver plied a different route to avoid a ‘hold up’. Whilst we were going past it, passengers in the vehicle could see more clearly the magnitude of the ‘hold up’. If we had plied the normal route, I estimate that we would have spent at least 20 minutes going through. The lady beside me exclaimed “this one na small sef, e no too long”. I’m not sure if I rolled my eyes, I think I should have. I don’t mean to sound impatient or rude. How on earth can you ply a route that takes you 30 minutes and counting to get through, every day, for most days of your life, and the day you spend 20 minutes you rejoice as though a helicopter lifted you and dropped you off at your door step. You deserve to go through seamless traffic! Now, while you might be thinking 15, 20 minutes is not ...

So, I was standing at a particular junction, waiting for a vehicle I could take home. True to the Abuja style, this particular junction was packed with people. The inner agbero in me was already on high alert. In other news, we die here . Do you know or have you heard of the Toyota Coaster Bus? Yes, that ‘long white bus’. Ehn, that one. So, this bus is approaching me and fellow country people, its destination is our destination. As it slows down with its door open, fellow country people started climbing and literally jumping in. No fear, me sef I follow.   * wipes tears, *sniffs, the things naija makes you do. We sha got into the vehicle. Remember how the interior of the Toyota Coaster bus is? Two seats to the left, one seat to the right, and that one low seat in between the left and the right. As population demands, the vehicle is filled up in matter of seconds. Next thing… …driver parks the vehicle and turns off the engine. Driver: na five five for...

Her eyes glistened with tears Her body shook till she tumbled over "never again, never again" The voice in her head speaking to her "never again would you let yourself be this vulnerable" She dragged herself through the doors The tears had began to flow Like water trickling down, more and more it came Until her sobs could be heard "get a hold of yourself" And so she continued dragging herself towards the road "you're almost there, you're almost there" On and on she went until her knees buckled Falling to the ground she let out a sharp cry "I can't, I can't" she cried aloud tugging at her shirt, tapping her chest, begging her heart to ease up She sobbed, trying to catch her breath, she pleaded with the universe to help her. It appeared as though The universe was watching As if, unwilling to answer Her cry grew louder and louder Grief overwhelming her Her tears flowed And furiously she wiped them awa...

I was standing at a bus stop waiting for a vehicle to convey me to my destination. Several vehicles passed me by because I was waiting to pay 50 Naira (the original fare) instead of 100 Naira that the taxi drivers who had passed charged. If you're in a hurry to get home that late you wouldn't mind  paying their stated fare and be on your way home ASAP. Not that I wasn't in a hurry to get home, I just felt it was unfair. And even though I had 100 Naira to pay I held on to the thought that sane taxi drivers would go past the bus stop I was at. Don't worry I'm not a stingy human. Random guy approaches me from my right hand side and asks where I'm headed and I respond, thinking he was an actual taxi driver. However, noticing that he was a little bit frantic, my mind immediately goes to 'one chance'. He then tells me "I can drop you off", when I didn't respond he asked me "are you scared?" I start showing visible irritation, frown...

"What tribe are you?" The man beside me asked, while I was waiting for a vehicle that would convey me to work. I guessed him to be in his late forties. "I am Ijaw" I responded. "What tribe are you Sir?" He responds inaudibly and adds that he is from Kogi State. He went on to say how some Ijaw people are nice, and that his brother was taken to Port-Harcourt and introduced to a man, and now this said brother is a very big man. I thought in my head that that was nice, how strangers could be the gateway to the next big thing. Keep in mind that by brother he probably meant a cousin, distant relative, or an individual from the same tribe, or same state of origin. moments of silence "Are you married?" ah ah, just lai  dat? "No Sir" By this time my countenance had changed. I am tired of random men, randomly proclaiming love/likeness and going ahead to make marriage proposals. "You should get married..." okay  "...the...

The stranger placed my hand in his He said they were beautiful and delicate Like I had never worked a day in my life  An 'ajebutter' He showed me his hands Scarred by 'hustle' He was envious of me What the stranger didn't know was that... I hated my hands I thought my fingers to be short My palms too wide My skin a little too hard It's a wonder  That an honest compliment Could make you fall in love with yourself Could make you love The very thing you despised a moment ago Now when I look at my hands I smile...  They ignored my thoughts of them Refused to wear on my 'hustle' My hands went on being...  Beautiful and delicate

You remember vividly As you took your vows A promise of love A promise of unflinching commitment A promise of together forever You remember vividly  The way he kissed your forehead The way he called your name The way he called you Queen The day he called another Queen Is it sadness or regret Is it loss or fear Is it guilt or shame But you remember It was once Happiness...

Guys I know Like their ego stroked Like their space was built To accommodate their ever growing balloon heads. I always wished I was made of pins So I could burst that balloon If their ego ever grew towards me. Girls I know Like their pride unscathed Like if they were walking around With mucus on their skirts They would prefer that you do not tell them Else they brand you a hater. Guys I know Speak with funny accents And walk with funny steps To impress the onlooking me Instead of impressing their mums at home And being 'heroes' to their sisters God forbid they pick up a dirty dish! Girls I know Love to sit in front With their short skirt and bleached skin To impress him when he looks Instead of learning to be polite to strangers And be 'heroines' of humanity God forbid they move about without fake lashes. Guys I know Have lots of money If only they could carry the sacks around To show those who cared to know Except the local Police......

Silver spoon, Golden fork, or Steel plates. We all have goals We all have dreams 24 hours Might not be enough time, To accomplish the task of the day. 8 hours X one week Might be too much time, Tilling another's field to water yours. How long does it take To understand one's self To realize one's purpose 100 years? Still many leave unfulfilled Wishing they did more. How much time is enough To turn dreams and aspirations to reality? Imagination paints the picture in minutes Decisions are made in a split second Plans unfold in days Reality is lived through years The beauty of your life Rests in your ability to make happy choices Be sure of the picture you have painted Be sure it's that of Happiness, and Joy, and Fulfillment, and Life Take a step...Breathe Wad through... Focused on your picture perfect life Push ahead. Live life... Live truly happy.

Compromises and heart beats Flared emotions and soft spoken words Silver tears and Red roses Broken promises and mended hopes There's two sides to every story Two sides of the coin Black and white a maybe, Shades of grey a possibility.  We see what does not exist  Unfazed and oblivious to reality We choose what we hear and see Not necessarily what we know  Live life and love Existing could be a lot easier  Or not... Who I am I accept  Who am not I refuse to regret This is my choice To live above the noise If I must fail to sail Am no longer afraid. Expectations and choices I didn't choose to be human 

There is beauty in each one of us Beyond the perspective of the beholder It needs no validation to exist Are we pressured to be on 'fleek' All for the selfie stick Or we avoid it to look meek Truth is, hair length would vary Height and weight as well This is not a competition Beauty is fierce She is bold in her difference Made of her own unique substance I miss the days When no one cared about my brows When I didn't pay attention to my legs There is no standard of perfect You are flawless And we slay regardless We are the definition Of beauty and all she is Each one of us.

Look through the past And maybe we can forecast The unpredictable days of the future, Tyrants past and decades of anger later We must decide Young boy..young blood I admire your courage with a smirk To the last drop of your blood Is a sorrow unbearable after the first draw The elders have refused to take away the blinds Or tie us back with the rope that binds They inherited lands green and fields white We received lands red and rivers black Old man...old fool You poisoned with your words And sent souls to graves with your deeds, I was told you can see what I can't, even on a palm Lost sight or deliberately ignoring the fight? You have created an Abaddon From greed, corruption and injustice Who knows not the creator or the subjects "Young people's energy and  wisdom of the elders" Seems not enough to stir a nation against these waves Foundations have to replaced. Love and unity have to be embedded in actions Resp...

I saw the beast  A s I squeezed my eyes shut And prayed silently for the millionth time That I was in a nightmare. They said he was a male of my kind Made me doubt myself for a moment, For I am a kind...of white wings and halos. I picked up what I had left..clawed and in shreds The blood I touched was mine, I realized. They said it was my fault I shouldn't have worn my pretty red dress, It showed too much of my femininity. Shouldn't have walked alone They forgot about my crushed soul Chose not to remember, Demons had no place where angels walked. My pink fortress had been raided And I was left with nothing But myself and determination, To heal and rebuild my Queendom. When justice was denied me, With my sore hands and weak feet I polished my diamonds and sparkled again, For a diamond can barely be broken Nor a Queen conquered.

I knew her story before it was told I saw her Bouncing up and down, itching to play A beautiful little girl Tugging and pulling 'Let me out' she says Full of energy no one could contain. I saw her She rushed past Beautiful young lady I couldn't believe she grew so fast Yet another interview She had to get a yes this time. I saw her How could I not recognize that smile Beautiful woman Haggling with the plantain seller Carrying her little girl on her back Whispering 'everything is going to be okay' I was too caught up...I didn't see Everything happened in a blur I didn't see her fears and confusion Or get a whiff of the tension Didn't hear the abusive words I am most sorry I should have looked more closely What happened to all that energy...bouncy little girl? Beyond her perfect smile I didn't see the tear stained cheeks Covered carefully with layers of powder Or the finger prints...covered perfectly with her hair. I s...