“The Joys of Motherhood” by Buchi Emecheta: A Feminist Review

“The Joys of Motherhood” by Buchi Emecheta: A Feminist Review

Nnu Ego the daughter of Ona and her lover Agbadi, is born with a mark on her head. The mark is on the same spot where the slave girl to be buried alive with Agbadi’s first wife suffered an injury. Refusing to go down without a fight, she promised Agbadi that she would come back to him as his own. Ona dies and leaves her daughter in Agbadi’s care, making him promise that he would allow her be a free woman, giving her away in marriage only if it was Nnu Ego’s choice.

When Nnu Ego does not bear children for her husband, Agbadi receives her back home and returns the bride price paid. Soon after, she is taken to Lagos to meet another man. Nnu Ego is however disappointed with the appearance of her new husband Nnaife, but endures him with hope that he can give her children.

Agbadi on his death bed calls for his daughter Nnu Ego, she returns to the village and shows Agbadi that his daughter had become a complete woman and was indeed not barren. Although her first child dies, after 9 births, she has 7 children alive. And so in her death “she had the noisiest and most costly second burial Ibuza had ever seen”. Having given her all to her children.

THE FEMINIST REVIEW

This was not my first time reading “The Joys of Motherhood”, however the depth of the irony between Nnu Ego’s story and the book’s title resonated again. One thing that became glaring to me was the intensity of the Igbo culture, which appeared to be anti-woman. Self-determination seemed to elude females, set apart for males alone.

On many occasions throughout the book, we see how the female child is relegated to the background. Given birth to and groomed to be married off as soon as they hit puberty, in order to bring money into the family through their bride price, they become young mothers with little or no education. The joy of having a girl child, is the bride price her family would ‘enjoy’ from her being married off. And when push comes to shove, they must give up their place in school to afford their brothers a chance at education. Nnu Ego’s daughters suffer this fate. Don’t even get me started on the name ‘bride price’.

I dare say the onus was on the woman. She had to be a good wife to her husband, good daughter to her father, good mother to her children. Never living for herself. This is not to say that any of these are wrong, but when the men are not held up to the same standards that the women are held up to, there is a huge problem. In the case of Nnu Ego, pulling the weight of 7 children with little help from her husband, whose concern was having more wives, getting them pregnant, getting his dead brother’s wives pregnant too. Knowing that his financial status could not cater for them all.

Every time Nnu Ego got pregnant my mind screamed ‘family planning’!!!! To a very large extent, women of the 21st century can decide if and when they want to get pregnant, instead of having no plan and getting pregnant at every possible chance. I can’t imagine getting pregnant every time I slept on the same bed with my husband. Also, can we thank the modern age for in vitro fertilization (IVF)? I know that there is still so much work to be done especially in the area of family planning and the cultures across Nigeria that tie a woman’s completeness to her ability to give birth to children.

“A woman may be ugly and grow old, but a man is never ugly and never old. He matures with age and is dignified” (Page 71, The Joys of Motherhood). Please read that statement again. For the life of me, I would never understand. Two humans, born on same day, one male, one female, die on same day. Tell me why the epitaph for the male reads ‘Matured with Age and Dignified’ and the epitaph for the female reads ‘Ugly and Grew Old’? Are you kidding me?!!! Can someone please erase the fact that I ever read those words? Thank you. I don’t want to talk too much.

See this, “I am a prisoner of my own flesh and blood. Is it such an enviable position? The men make it look as if we must aspire for children or die. That’s why when I lost my first son I wanted to die, because I failed to live up to the standard expected of me by the males in my life, my father and my husband- and now I have to include my sons. But who made the law that we should not hope in our daughters? We women subscribe to that law more than anyone. Until we change all this, it is still a man’s world. Which women will always help to build” (Page 187, The Joys of Motherhood).

FEMINIST: A person who supports the belief that women should have the same rights and opportunities as men.

I believe that children, male and female, have no business on the streets hawking. I believe that no child, male or female, should have to give up their education, less so for the reason that one gender is superior to another. The standard for completeness was, a woman must have children. The conversation now is, ‘when would you marry?’ Why does society not teach boys to aspire to marriage?

Woman, you must live for yourself. You are not anybody’s appendage. You are much more than the standards set. You must look back on your life and know that it was not chosen for you. Your life does not consist only in the man you marry or children you give birth to. Do not allow yourself be relegated to the background or shadows. For all that is good and true in this world, please live a life of fulfillment, I am rooting for you!

FEMINIST: A person who supports the belief that women should have the same rights and opportunities as men.